What to Say When You Feel Attacked (Pattern Interrupt Scripts)

Someone just said something that felt like an attack. Your chest tightens. Your face gets hot.

You have about 10 seconds before your pattern takes over.

What do you say?

Script #1: For Defenders

"I'm feeling defensive right now. Can we take a break so I can get out of my pattern?"

Script #2: For Controllers

"I'm trying to control this conversation right now. I need a minute to step back."

Script #3: For Pleasers

"I'm about to agree just to stop the fight. But I don't think that's what either of us actually wants. Can we slow down?"

Script #4: For Shutdown Artists

"I'm starting to shut down right now. I need a break so I can stay present with you."

The Universal Script

"I can feel my pattern taking over. Can we pause for a minute?"

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—Matthew Glosenger