If You Know It's D Work, You Know What A Work Is: A Father's Lesson on Personal Responsibility

Years ago, my stepdaughter came home with a writing assignment. As the parent, I was supposed to grade it.

I looked at the paper. Honestly, I had no idea how to grade it. It didn't look like she'd put much effort into it, but I wasn't a teacher. What did I know about evaluating essays?

So I asked her a simple question: "What grade would YOU give this?"

She didn't hesitate. "D work."

I looked at her and said, "If you know it's D work, then you know what A work is."

She went back to her room. The next day, she turned in an A paper.

I didn't teach her how to write better. I didn't give her a rubric or a lecture or a list of corrections. I just helped her see what she already knew: She was capable of more, and she was choosing not to do it.

And here's the thing: You're doing the same thing.

You Already Know

Right now, in some area of your life, you're living D work. Maybe it's in your relationships. Maybe it's in your career. Maybe it's in your health, your finances, your personal growth. You know it's D work. You can feel it.

And because you know it's D work, you also know what A work looks like.

You know what it would take to show up differently. You know what conversations you're avoiding. You know what habits you need to change. You know what you're capable of when you actually try.

The problem isn't that you don't know. The problem is that you're not doing it.

And the reason you're not doing it is because you can't pull yourself up to A work. You need someone who's already there to show you the way.

Why We Stay in D Work

If you already know what A work looks like, why aren't you doing it?

Because D work is easier. It's familiar. It doesn't require you to face uncomfortable truths or make hard changes. It lets you stay small, stay safe, stay stuck.

A work requires honesty. It requires effort. It requires you to stop making excuses and start taking responsibility.

And most people would rather stay comfortable in D work than risk failing at A work.

But here's what they don't realize: Staying in D work IS failing.

Here's the truth: You already know what A work looks like. Just like my stepdaughter knew. The problem isn't that you don't know—it's that you need someone to remind you that you're capable of it.

That's what I'm doing here. I've lived D work. I've made the shift to A work. And I'm telling you: There is higher ground. And you can get there.

The Cost of D Work

Let me ask you a hard question: What is staying in D work costing you?

Maybe it's costing you your relationship. You know you're not showing up the way you should. You know you're repeating the same patterns. You know you're avoiding the conversations that could change everything. But it's easier to blame them than to do the work.

Maybe it's costing you your peace. You know you're holding onto anger, resentment, or unforgiveness. You know it's eating you alive. You know you'd be free if you just let it go. But it's easier to stay angry than to face what you're really afraid of.

Maybe it's costing you your future. You know you're capable of more. You know you're playing small. You know you're settling for less than you deserve. But it's easier to stay where you are than to risk going after what you really want.

D work always costs you something. And the longer you stay in it, the more expensive it gets.

What A Work Requires

A work isn't about perfection. It's not about never making mistakes or always getting it right. It's about showing up honestly, consistently, and with full effort.

Here's what A work requires:

Honesty about where you are. You can't get to A work if you're lying to yourself about the fact that you're in D work. You have to name it. You have to admit that you've been coasting, avoiding, or settling. This isn't about shame. It's about clarity. You can't change what you won't acknowledge.

Ownership of your part. A work means taking responsibility for your life. Not blaming your partner, your parents, your circumstances, or your past. Not waiting for someone else to fix it. Not making excuses. You're the author of your life. And if you don't like the story you're living, you're the only one who can rewrite it.

Consistent effort, even when it's hard. A work isn't a one-time decision. It's a daily practice. It's showing up when you don't feel like it. It's doing the work even when no one's watching. It's choosing the hard right over the easy wrong, again and again.

My stepdaughter didn't turn in an A paper because she suddenly became a better writer overnight. She turned in an A paper because she decided to put in the effort she'd been withholding.

The same is true for you. You already know what A work looks like. You just have to decide to do it.

My Own D Work

I'll be honest with you: I've lived a lot of D work in my life.

For years, I blamed other people for my broken relationships. My ex-wife. My sister. My kids. I told myself they were the problem. If they would just change, everything would be fine.

But deep down, I knew the truth: I was the common denominator.

I was showing up the same way in every relationship. I was seeking validation. I was trying to control outcomes. I was making other people responsible for my peace.

That was D work. And I knew it.

So one day, I asked myself the hard question: "If I know this is D work, what would A work look like?"

The answer was painful. A work would mean taking full responsibility for my part. It would mean stopping the blame game. It would mean doing my own inner work instead of waiting for everyone else to change.

So I started. I stopped waiting for apologies. I stopped trying to control other people. I started asking, "Did I get what I wanted?" and "What does the gap tell me about myself?"

And slowly, everything changed. Not because they changed. Because I did.

That's A work.

And I'm telling you: It's possible. You can get there. But you can't see it alone.

The Path from D Work to A Work

You already know what A work is. Just like my stepdaughter knew. The problem isn't knowledge—it's that you can't see your own blind spots without someone helping you look.

That's what mentors do. That's what teachers do. That's what anyone standing on higher ground does—they help you see what you already know but have been avoiding.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not saying I've arrived. I'm saying I've been where you are, and I've found a path to higher ground. And I'm helping you see what you're capable of.

The path is simple: Daily awareness. Daily honesty. Daily responsibility.

You don't transform overnight. You transform one day at a time, one choice at a time, one interaction at a time.

And the way you do that is by creating a practice that helps you see where you're living in D work—and what A work would look like for you.

The Practice That Makes A Work Possible

The practice is simple: Three check-ins per day. Morning, midday, evening.

Each check-in, you pause and ask: "Am I showing up in A work today, or am I slipping into D work?"

You track one interaction. You ask: "Did I get what I wanted? And if not, what was my part in that?"

You notice patterns. You see where you're avoiding responsibility. You see where you're blaming others. You see where you're capable of more.

And over time, you start choosing A work. Not because you're perfect. But because you've seen the cost of D work, and you're ready for something better.

I created a simple 7-day journal to help people practice this. It's not complicated. It's just a structure that helps you see where you are and where you could be.

If you want to try it, you can download it for free at TheHeartsEpiphany.com. It's a tool that might help you see your D work—and give you the clarity to start doing A work.

Because you already know what A work is. You just need someone to remind you that you're capable of it.

And I'm reminding you now: You're capable of A work. You always have been.

The only thing standing between you and A work is the decision to stop settling for D work.

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About the Author: Matthew Glosenger is the creator of The Heart's Epiphany, a framework for transforming your life by taking full responsibility for the work you've been avoiding. After years of living in D work, he discovered that the only person who could get him to A work was himself—but he needed someone to show him the way. Learn more at TheHeartsEpiphany.com.