How to Stop Being Defensive in Arguments (Even When You're Right)

You're in the middle of a conversation. Someone questions your decision. And before you even realize it's happening, you're defending yourself.

You're not broken. You're running a pattern. And once you see it, you can stop it.

Why You Get Defensive

Defensiveness is a survival pattern. It's your nervous system's way of protecting you from a perceived threat.

The 3 Body Signals

1. Tightness - Chest, throat, stomach
2. Heat - Face flushing, heart racing
3. Urgency - Need to respond RIGHT NOW

The 3-Step Pattern Interrupt

Step 1: Feel the Signal

Notice it without suppressing it.

Step 2: Name It Out Loud

Say: "I'm feeling defensive right now."

Step 3: Ask for a Pause

Say: "Can we take a break? I need a minute to get out of my pattern."

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—Matthew Glosenger